If you notice, I now have our time line of our journey posted on the sidebar. Hopefully, I’ll keep that updated even if I don’t post. 🙂

Since the last post, D spent almost a month trying to get a referral from my doctor (who ordered the testing) only to find out that he would need to get a referral from his own doctor. This wouldn’t be a problem except that he never goes to the doctor and hasn’t been since he graduated from college and started his job. So now D finds a doctor and makes an appointment so he can eventually receive a referral to see the doctor he actually needs to see. The date for this appointment: December 9th. Then we’ll probably have a month wait to get in to see the Urologist that he needs to go see. Can I get an extra dose of patience?!

As the holidays approach, I’m starting to get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s like at even the mention of Christmas, I just want to curl up into the fetal position and cry. Thanksgiving and Christmas are so difficult for me. It’s another event that reminds me of the one thing we don’t have yet. My arms are still empty.

To add to it, in the past week we’ve gotten pregnancy announcements from two other couples. It’s so hard to be genuinely happy when I’m questioning why? Why them? Why not us? And I feel so guilty for having such a selfish outlook. I mean, why not us? Why shouldn’t we be the couple going through this process?

And that’s where I stop.

It hurts too much.