A few months ago, I mentioned to someone who was asking about our future in foster care that we were praying about adopting internationally. I was surprised at their response, especially since they are very aware of how our current family has come to be.
“But there are so many kids here who need homes!”
Seriously? You’re telling the person who has gone through foster parent training, who has adopted two children through foster care, that there is a need for homes for foster kids here in the US?
It’s amazing (and not in a good way) the things that people feel they can say to you, especially about how your family is built. It starts with the constant questioning after you’ve been married for an amount of time, then continues on until I guess you get old enough in age to where kids are out of the question or until you send a letter to cease and desist. Then for us, as we’ve fostered two beautiful children and were blessed to adopt them into our family forever, we’ve been subjected to comments of all kinds. Some of my personal favorites (ha!) have been:
- “I could never do what you do. I would get so attached! It would break my heart if they were to leave our home.” (Yep, lucky for us, we got to leave our heart at the door when we signed our papers the day we were licensed.)
- “I could never take on someone else’s problems.” (This one breaks my heart and makes me feel sick simultaneously.)
- “Don’t use that word around them!” (The word? Adopted. Yes, I was told when I took A and H to get haircuts last week that I should not tell them about being adopted. I’m going to guess this has to do with something in this person’s history that left a negative connotation on the word, but D and I are committed to the kids knowing their history, and not feeling like we’re keeping anything from them.)
And the comment that started this post,
- “But there are so many kids here who need homes!”
It’s not a here vs. there, an us vs. them. Kids need homes, families, people to come around them and love them through whatever trials, struggles, and challenges they may face. To make it anything else is to place one’s importance over the other.
As for us, we’re not sure what the future holds. With a three year old and a two year old, we’re pretty content (and too busy to even think about adding another member to our family). We continue to pray about different avenues we feel God is leading us toward, and trust in God’s plan for our family. We also have friends and family who are at different stages of exploring foster care and adoption, so we’re excited to see what happens in the lives around us and are hoping to be able to provide support and encouragement to them on their journey.
Here’s our newest little two year-old:
And here’s a picture I didn’t get to post from the night she arrived, but here she is at one month old- straight from the hospital to our home.
A on H’s birthday
A and H on Easter Day